Thursday, October 22, 2015

Jack on Tramp Stamps

Age 11:

Jack and I went out to dinner the other night and our conversation turned to the topic of genetics. I was explaining how it works- how everything about you is a product of what genes have been passed on to you. 
Me: Your genes determine your eye color, hair color, even small things like, if you have a widow's peak in your hairline. 
Jack: How about birthmarks? Those too?
Me: Well, not exactly but your skin color is...and if you have freckles or not. 
Jack: Oh. I was wondering because I was looking in the mirror one day and noticed the birthmark I have on my lower back. Did you know I have a birthmark on my lower back?
Me: Yeah. I've seen it. 
Jack:  When I saw it I was like, I have a tramp stamp birthmark on my lower back. 
Me: (giggling)
Jack: No. Mom. I LITERALLY have a tramp stamp birthmark. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Jack on Track Records

Age 11:

A week ago, Jack was accused of bullying a kid in his gym class.  We knew this accusation was out of character for Jack so Jay dug into it a bit. Ultimately, it turned out the other kid made a false accusation. Tonight I asked Jack about it. 

Me: So I heard you got your name cleared. 
Jack: Yeah. 
Me: How do you feel about that?
Jack (shrugging his shoulders): Fine. I mean, I don't feel different than I did before. Let's face it, that kid has a track record of making false accusations, and I have a track record of being awesome. 

We are working on his self-esteem. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

Jack on His Life Experience

Age 11:

In all my years of experience, you know what I've learned? It's not a good idea to park a big white van right next to a school. 

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Jack on Assigned Seats

Age 11:

After a great first day of middle school, Jack came home on the second day discouraged after finding out his classes would have assigned seats.  We let him pout about it for a bit and then he seemed to let it go. 

After a couple more days, I checked with him to see how he was feeling about it. 

Me: So, are you getting to be friends with any of the kids sitting near you in class?

Jack: No. 

He paused for a moment before continuing on, his voice now dripping with sarcasm. 

Jack: But you know what is awesome about assigned seats? In my one class, someone carved a penis into the desk.   Yeah. A PENIS. And it's not just drawn on there. It is carved into it. 

Me: Seriously?

Jack: Uh huh. And it's not even a good one. It's shaped all weird and the penis is all bent.  And I can't even sit comfortably at the desk because I have to put my arms at weird angle to cover it up. 

Friday, August 14, 2015

Jack on Changing Clothes

Age 11:

"I'm going to go change my clothes...but not my winning personality."

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Jack on What I Can Handle

Age 11:

After eating out one night, the waiter asked if we wanted dessert. I posed the question to the table, "Can you handle dessert?"  Jack replied, "I think the question is...can your wallet handle dessert?"  


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Jack on Celebrity Friendships

Age 11:

Jack and I were discussing movies we wanted to see and we landed on the movie Paper Towns. I mentioned to Jack I thought the female lead in the movie was friends with Kendall Jenner***. Jack mused, "It can't hurt to be friends with a famous person." 

We talked for a moment about how there may certainly be some perks to being friends with a celebrity before Jack reconsidered and said, "You know, on second thought, it could hurt to be friends with Chris Brown."

Oh SNAP!

 ***No judgement please. I do realize it is really weird that a woman of my age knows a fact like that but just go with it.