Friday, August 31, 2012

Jack on Fleas

Age 8:

One day we started discussing dogs and fleas. 

Jack: Why do fleas prefer dogs? 
Me: I don't know. Maybe thy taste better? 
Jack: George  isn't exactly a bon appetite meal. You know what I'm sayin'?

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Jack on Marriage

Age 8:

Jack: What's the worst part of marriage?
Aunt Lori: There's nothing really bad about being married.
Jack: But if you had to say what the worst part is, what would it be?
Me: I think trying to keep things fresh and exciting.  After you spend a lot of years with someone, sometimes you get too comfortable and stop going out on dates and stuff.
Aunt Lori: I think sharing is the best and worst part of marriage.  You get to share everything but sometimes it is hard to share.
Jack: You are kind of bumming me out. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Jack on the Movie Brave

Age 8:

Two facts you need to know in order to make this funny:
1) One of Megan's best friends is an adorable little redheaded girl named Courtney.
2) Megan and Jack went to see the movie Brave the other day.  The main animated character in the movie looks like this...
We were standing at the train station the day after they saw the movie discussing if they liked it or not. Jack turned to Megan and said, "You know, Courtney did excellent work in that movie."

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Jack on Facebook

Age 8:

"Mom, would you say Facebook is like a stalker's dream, or..."

Monday, August 27, 2012

Jack on Looking Older

Age 8:

"I look like I'm going to a high school party...except for the newspaper."

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Jack on Awkward Moments

Age 8:

"Life is full of awkward moments.  Like sometimes you might find yourself in a women's clothing store."

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Jack on Rock, Paper, Scissors

Age 8:

Jack: Do you know in England they play quartz, parchment, shears for rock, paper, scissors?
Family: Wow! Really?
Jack: Nah.  I just made it up.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Jack on Scooters

Age 8:

One day we were walking through the Target parking lot and a woman in an electric wheelchair came tearing down the aisle. She was going really fast and Jack looked at me with wonder in his eyes, kind of giggled and said, "Wow! I wonder how many MPGs that thing has!"

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Jack on Relaxing

Age 8:

"On a day that you relax, you just don't change your clothes."

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Jack on the Cardinals

Age 7:

"From now on I'm calling the Cardinals the Mockingbirds. Look at that cardinal on the helmet mocking the man inside."

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Jack on Supper

Age 7:

Jack: My mouth tastes like salt.
Grandma: What did you have for supper?
Jack: Well, first of all, I don't like it when you call "dinner" supper.

Alrighty then...

Monday, August 20, 2012

Jack on Being a Vegetarian

Age 7:

"I would die if I was a vegetarian. I pretty much need a daily serving of meat."

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Jack on the Bears

Age 7:

Jack gave me a detailed break down of who should win to give Bears best chance to win. 

Me: Who are you? 
Jack: (pause) I'm pretty much Dad.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Jack on What to Wear to Work

Age 8:

On one of the last days of summer vacation, we did not have a babysitter so the kids had to come to work with me.  Jack was pretty excited about it and we were discussing what to wear.  At first Jack thought he might want to wear a tie, but then decided he might want to go a bit more casual.

Me: So do you think you want to wear a tie?
Jack: I don't know.  Do most of the people dress up where you work?
Me: It's pretty much business casual.
Jack: What is that?
Me: It's kind of like what your dad wears to work.
Jack: Oh.  So extremely fancy and exquisite?

Friday, August 17, 2012

Jack on Chicago

Age 7:

Jack: I see the Sears tower.
 Me: They actually call it the Willis tower now. 
Jack: Who cares.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Jack on Making People Feel Welcome

Age 7:

There was a new girl at Jack's school.

Me: Are you talking to her to make her feel welcome?
Jack:Honestly,I think she feels pretty welcome already.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Jack on His Voice

Age 7:

One morning Jack kept clearing his throat. Jay asked him what was happening and Jack said, "I'm just turning my voice on."

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Jack on Breakfast

Age 5:

As I handed Jack his breakfast this morning...

Me: At your service!
Jack: Actually, it's like breakfast at your fingertips.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Jack on Parents

Age 8:

Jack came in to show me his latest Lego creation.

Jack: Look at this tower,
Me: Sweet!
Jack: I know you say sweet but you don't really mean it. I know how life works.  Parents just say that stuff to make their kids feel good.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Jack on Coon Hats

Age 8:

Jack walked in wearing a raccoon hat.  As I turned to look at him, he shrugged his shoulders, said, "Nothing says fun like a dead animal on your head." And walked out.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Jack on Guy Stuff

Age 8:

Jack has an aversion to underwear.  He just doesn't wear it.  He goes commando constantly.  For several trips now, I've packed underwear for him only to have it come back as clean as it went.

Me: Okay so I've learned my lesson.  I'm not going to pack you any underwear this time.
Jack: Can you pack my compression shorts? Sometimes I like to wear those because they are pretty comfortable.
Me: Are you serious?
Jack: Mom, there are some things you should never know about a man.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Jack on Being Literal

Age 8:

Me: I'm going to take a stab at packing your clothes, okay?
Jack: How sharp is your knife?

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Jack on Pants

Age 8:

As we walked out of Megan's dance camp recital, one of the dads who came from work commented on Jay and Jack's shorts.

Guy: It is really hot in these pants, you are lucky to be wearing shorts.
Jack: Face it.  We are all wearing pants. Some are just shorter than others.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Jack on Girls

Age 8:

I kind of think Jack may have a little crush on one of his classmates.  We happened to see her when we stopped in to pick up Megan from a dance camp recital.

Me: Hey did you see "N" over there?
Jack: Yeah.
Me: Why don't you go over and say hi and tell her she did a nice job.
Jack: (pause) Mom, it just doesn't work that way.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Jack on Sarcasm

Age 8:

We had a worker in our house who was installing tile in our basement.  He came up and asked if he could use our bathroom.

Jack leaned over and whispered to me, "He's such a charmer."

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Jack on How to Say Goodbye

Age 8:

Me: Bye Jack. Have a good day.
Jack: You too. Right back at ya.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Jack on How to Say Good Morning

Age 8:

I opened the door to my room one morning and Jack was right outside my door.  We said good morning to each other and Jack put out his fist so we fist bumped as he said, "Boom to you, my friend."
I just kind of shook my head at him as he started to walk down the stairs and he turned back around and  added, "GAL PALS!"

I have no idea.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Jack on Hackers

Age 8:

Jack and I had a discussion about the Information Security people where I work.  I explained that they basically get paid to be "hackers" and try to find security issues in our systems.  Jack thought that was pretty cool.

A couple days later he asked, "The hackers at your company... I don't mean this as an insult, but do they look nerdish, or like regular people?"

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Jack on Helping Out

Age 8:

George, our dog, constantly eats things. Not just food, but toys, clothes, anything really.  So as a preventative measure, we try to keep all the doors shut in our house.  And by "we" I mean me, and Jay.  The kids constantly seem to forget every door other than the one to his/her room.  One day, Jack actually shut a door other than his bedroom.

Me: Wow! You're being part of the solution.
Jack: I'm just saving the world one door at a time.
This is George