Thursday, November 29, 2012

Jack on Super Powers

Age 9:

Jack: If you could have any super power, what would it be?
Me: I'd want the power to be invisible.
Jack: My friend says he'd want his super power to be "all super powers" but I told him, "That's not a super power- that is an ARRAY of super powers."

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Jack on Santa

Age 9:

Well, it's over.  Jack officially does not believe in Santa.

Me: Why don't you believe in Santa?
Jack: Well, there is no way he could fit through the chimney.  And he would leave ash footprints. And there is no way he could get around to give presents to a million children in one night.
Me: How sure are you from 1 to 100 percent on your theory?
Jack: Um, 99%. If my theory on Santa is correct, that means you've been blatantly lying to me.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Jack on Sarcasm (#3)

Age 9:

We have a large side yard at our house that isn't well lit and next to our swing set, we discovered a glass pipe use for smoking pot. I assume some teenagers have been using our yard as a place to smoke pot since it isn't well lit and not fenced in. After some discussion, Jay and I decided to get a motion sensor light to put in the yard to deter any more "visitors" and we stopped at Menards with the kids.

Jack: Why do we need a light like that?
Me: Because we found something in our yard the other day that makes me think there are kids doing stuff they shouldn't in our yard.
Jack: And the light will make them stop doing it?
Me: Well, it might not stop them from doing bad things, but hopefully they will have to go somewhere else to do their bad things and then it's not my problem.
Jack: So you're really like a national hero?

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Jack on Thanksgiving Advice

Age 9:

As we prepared for Thanksgiving, Jack started describing the difference between stuffing and dressing...

Jack: Stuffing is only when you put it inside the turkey. If you cook it outside the turkey, it is called dressing. Right Dad?
Jay: Right.
Grandma: How did you know that?
Jack: We are men...We don't care about it, we just know it.

And here was Jack's advice to me when I told him Aunt Lori was bringing 8 pies to Thanksgiving...

"Mom.  Be careful about eating too much pie.  You might lose your hot streak and start packing on the pounds."

Monday, November 19, 2012

Jack on Dating Do's and Don'ts

Age 9:

"I'm a pretty flexible guy but when you are at a movie with a girl and she reaches into the popcorn to hold your hand...I'm not a huge fan of that."

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Jack on Smooth Talking

Age 9:

Jack was giving me a big long explanation about how he really needed some money to buy a book at the school book fair. The book was $10 but I didn't have change so I gave him a $20. After thanking me, Jack said, "Just so you know, it's not taking advantage of you. It's just smooth talking."

Friday, November 16, 2012

Jack on Hobknockers

Age 7:

According to Jack, the definition of a "hobknocker" is someone who "is naked and runs around with a bat, hitting people in the you-know-where."

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Jack on Gravestones

Age 7:

Jack was explaining what he wanted his gravestone to look like. Then he paused and said, "But don't jump to's not like I'm gonna die tomorrow." Me: Uh...I HOPE NOT!!!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Jack on Immortality

Age 7:

Jack told me that he thinks he's "e-mortal" because he's "done like 50 things in life that I could have died from." When I asked for an example, he said, "Well like yesterday, at my friend's pool, he kept holding me under water." (note to self: no more play dates at the pool).

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Jack on Abs

Age 9:

Jack walked in shirtless.
Jack: Hey Mom- Look.  I've got a two-pack.
Me: Uh, huh.  I see that.
Jack: I'm still growing so I don't have any more room in my chest so I've just got a two-pack.
Me: ...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Jack on Qualities (again)

Age 8:

Jack walked in to my room one morning.
Jack: Mom, one question...
Me: Sure.
Jack: Would you consider this statement to be true- I have a sophisticated personality?
Me: Yes.
Jack: Okay then.
Then he walked out.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Jack on Phrases

Age 8:

"Check please!  I just felt like saying that.  Ignore the fact that I sound like a total loser."

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Jack on Qualities

Age 8:

"Mom.  Do you consider one of my qualities to be devilishly handsome?"

Friday, November 2, 2012

Jack on Royalty

Age 8:

As we were driving home one day, we drove by a family that was raking their leaves.  One of the girls was wearing one of those Burger King crowns. Jack turned to Jay and said, "Dad, did you see royalty on that street?"