Saturday, June 30, 2012

Jack on Favors

Age 4:

Jack: Momma, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and when I call you, can you come into the bathroom and wipe my bottom?
Me:  Uh sure...
Jack (a few moments later): Okay Momma! I'm ready for you to wipe my bottom!
Me (after completing the task): Okay Jack, you are all set. You can leave now because I'm going to use the potty.
Jack:  Well Momma, when you are done, I can wipe your bottom for you. Would you like that?

Jack on Malls

Age 8:

"The mall is a death trap for all men. "

And a few moments later he added...

"I think I might die I'm serious."

Jack on Decorating

Age 8:

Jack spent the morning cleaning his room. He asked me to come and see the finished product for the "big reveal".
Me: Wow! This looks awesome!
Jack: Yeah. I know. I think I have a knack for interior design.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Jack on Crushes

Age 4:

Jack: I've got a crush on Kendall.
Me: Oh really? What do you think it means to have a crush?
***Mom Note: At that point, I was expecting a standard answer such as, "It means I like her" or "I want to marry her". However, Jack's definition was a little bit less conventional***
Jack: Well, when you are standing up next to her, you jump on top of her and start to wrestle with her.

Jack on Illegal Hits

Age 8:

From time to time, Megan and Jack start to wrestle and argue.  Right before I took this video (and right after I am convincing them that they will enjoy the videos of themselves someday) they had a bit of a match.

My favorite part of this video is Jack declaring Megan's hit was an "illegal violation of regulation body parts."

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Jack on Voices

Age: 4

One day we were in the check out line at Target and our cashier had a speech impediment. I saw Jack staring at him out of the corner of my eye and then I heard Jack comment,"That guy is weird. That guy's voice sounds weird."

I turned to Jack, gave him my best evil eye and said quietly through clenched teeth, "Ja-ack!" Jack straightened up and to tried to recover from his inappropriate comment said, "Sorry Momma...That guy's voice just isn't that interesting. It sounds like he's sleepy. He has a sleepy voice."

Jack on Sunscreen

Age 8:

Me: I have sunscreen if you are going to be in the sun.
Jack: I'm more of a person who dwells under the bleachers when it's a hot summer day.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Jack on Santa

Age: 4

Me: Do you know what Santa brings to boys who are naughty for Christmas?
Jack: (pause...)Clothes?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Jack on Underwear

Age 7:

I was putting  Jack to bed one night and I noticed he was wearing 2 pairs of underwear. When I asked him what was going on with that, he said, "I didn't have time to change this morning so I had to double it."

Jack on Mark Zuckerberg

Age: 8

Jack: Hey, did you know Mark Zuckerberg got married?
Jay: Yeah.
Jack: To his HOODIE!

Jack on Dating Sites


Jack: Hey Mom, by far the worst name of all time for a dating site is Christian Mingle.
Me: Why do you think it is the worst?
Jack(throwing his hands in the air): Christian. Mingle? (pause) CHRISTIAN. MINGLE!?!? I mean, you know they are Christian, but mingle?

Monday, June 25, 2012

Jack on Sledding

Age: 7

Jack got serious air on a hill while going over a bump sledding last December and proclaimed, "Today I broke an impossibility. I flew."

Jack on How to Help

Age: 8

Jack asked me to search our On Demand cable for a movie to watch. I typed in the wrong word.
Jack: Geez Mom, that's not the title.
Me: Do you want me to help you, or are you going to sit here and rip on me?
Jack: A little of both, actually.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Jack on Hot Tubbing

Age 8:

Debating if we should go in the hot tub while on vacation.

Jack: Yeah. We should go in there late. Like 8:30. And I'll bring my strawberry milk.

Jack on Songwriting

Age: 7

Jack:When I grow up,I'm going to have lots of jobs and then I'm going to quit them. Then I will sing a song called,"It's none of your beeswax."
Me:You should write down lyrics to your songs.
Jack:I just got another song idea. 
Jack:It's a song called"Stop Telling Me Lyrics".

Friday, June 22, 2012

Jack on Ziplining

Age: 8

When we visited the Royal Gorge, Megan really wanted to go Ziplining. I asked Jack if he wanted to go. His response..."I don't think I'm going to do it. Not because I'm afraid, but because I'm saving money because it's pretty expensive."

***Mom note: This is the one, and only time he's ever been cost-conscious.

Jack on Marriage

Age: 8

We took a family vacation to Colorado and we showed the kids where we got engaged at the Royal Gorge. Jack asked me a few questions about it and asked if I knew we were getting engaged.

Me: I wasn't sure exactly when it would happen but we had talked about getting married. I mean, we were dating for about 7 years before we got engaged.

Jack: So you figured you may as well put a bow on it and get hitched?

Jack on Hot Lunches

Age: 8

A co-worker of mine sent a link to this article and she said, "I would like to see Jack start his own blog on this topic. I would like to see a comparison of US hot lunch program compared to Scotland please.I think his commentary each day would also be amusing."

So, of course, I asked Jack about this and he said, "I have only one thing to say about the hot lunch and you can tell her this...'Once I ate the mini corn dogs and when I peeled back the breading, there was green stuff'. I'm serious. Oh yeah, and um... Let me think. The chicken drumsticks are obviously not real because they have like 50 bones...I think that's it."

There you have it.

Get to Know Jack

Before we start to post all of the random things Jack talks about, I feel like we should share a few things about Jack to provide some context for future posts. I think the main thing to keep in mind is that Jack is 8. He loves watching television, playing video games, and playing football, basketball, and lacrosse. But most of all, he likes to bug his 11 year-old sister, Megan, who will also be featured in certain posts on this blog. I know I may be biased because I'm his mother, but I think Jack is one of the wittiest, and sensitive kids around. It may also help you to visualize how Jack acts and talks if I feature a few videos of him. Here are two of my all time favorites that show his personality...enjoy. 

Jack was about 4 in this video.  He's arguing with his sister about "boddering" him.

And here, Jack was about 6.  He was pretty into American Idol, and decided to do an impromptu audition.