Sunday, September 29, 2013

Jack on Teasing

Age 9:

Jack was telling us about a kid in his class who is kind of mean and teases other kids. As an example he told us about something this kid said about him, and the fact that Jack's favorite color is pink. 

Jack: Yeah, he told me that I looked like the gay guy from Survivor. 
(Then we got on a bit of a tangent about how sometimes it is best to ignore the situation, but sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and in those cases, we would support him.)
Jay: What is this kid's name anyway?
Jack: so-and-so Um. 
Me: His last name is Um????
Jack: Yeah. 
(Jay and I start laughing)
Jack: What?
Me: Oh man, you've got leverage there!
Jay: You have so much material with that. 
Jack: Like what?
Jay: How about "Um....Um.... Hey so-and-so....Um...Um..."  
Jack: I thought of something I could say. 
Me: What is it?
Jack: Well... It has a swear word in it. 
Me: (trying to think what swear word rhymes with Um) Go ahead and say it. 
Jay: Yeah. Go ahead. 
Jack: Okay. How about "Um...You're a dick!"

I guess it is our fault that we have him the okay to say it!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Jack on Accents

Age 9: 

My favorite conversations happen when I'm driving with Jack in the car. I can see the wheels turning in his head as he's thinking about things. One day he asked, "Mom, do you know where I want to raise my kids?" When I suggested Naperville, he told me, "I want to raise them in England. I want my kids to have British accents. People find that to be an attractive feature when people have accents."

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Jack on Sex

Age 9:

Jack wandered into my room and told me he had a question.
Me: Okay. What's the question?
Jack: What is a conjugal visit?
Me: When people are in jail, and their husband or wife visit them in prison, and they have sex, it's called a conjugal visit.
Jack (looking embarrassed): Oh okay.
Me: Is that what you thought it was?
Jack: Pretty much. I always know when I ask Dad a question and he tells me to go ask you, that the answer will always have something to do with sex.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Jack on Drugs

Age 9:

Jay and I were talking with Jack about his memory. It's really good-to the point where we turn to Jack and ask for his input and confirmation about facts from past events.
Jay: I always forget how good your memory is.
Me: Me too! Don't do anything to kill your brain cells.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because it will hurt your memory.
Jack: What kinds of things kill brain cells?
Me: Doing drugs kills brain cells.
Jack: Like cocaine?
Me: That's one kind of drug.
Jack: because it makes you not really want to do anything so you can't remember stuff.
Me: Well,some drugs make you hyper and paranoid...
Jack: Like speed?
Me: uh, yes. And some drugs make you lazy and not care about things...
Jack: Like crack?
Me: Actually crack makes you paranoid.

***I'm not sure if I should be proud, or scared, that he knows about so many drugs.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Jack on Prostitutes

Age 9:

Over the weekend, Jay and Jack were walking around downtown.  They saw a black Lamborghini and Jay made a comment about how that guy must be "big pimpin'".
Jack: What is a pimp?
Jay:  (After explaining that the word can mean a guy who has expensive things or a lot of money) The word pimp also means a person who is the boss of prostitutes.  Do you know what a prostitute is?
Jack: Yeah.  It's a hooker.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Jack on Parenting

Age 9:

Jack: When you were a kid, what was the worst thing that ever happened to you?
Me: Oh I don't know. I had a pretty decent childhood. I guess I would say there were a couple times I got grounded because I had people over at my house when I wasn't supposed to.
Jack: Did you ever have any parties?
Me: Well that's what I meant by having people over.
Jack: It would probably be more fun if you went to a party at someone else's house.
Me: As long as they were allowed to have the party.
Jack: But I think sometimes it's more fun when you aren't supposed to do it. You feel more like a rebel.
Me: You think?
Jack: Yeah. You know... If I wrote a parenting handbook, that's one thing I would put in there. As a parent, you need to figure out a way to let a kid feel like a rebel...without letting them know you actually have them in a chokehold.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Jack on Escaping a Fire

Age 9:

I love conversations kids have while driving in the car. Last week we were stuck in traffic with Megan, her friend, Jack and his friend. Jack's friend started telling a story about a kid in their grade.

Jack's friend: We were talking about if your house was on fire and what you would bring with you. He said he would bring his skateboard FIRST, his cat SECOND, and THEN his mom!
(Kids giggling)
Megan and her friend: That is just mean!
Jack: Well, his mom is probably smart enough to get out on her own.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Jack on Annoying Kids

Age 9:

Jack was telling us about a kid at his school who left used kleenex on his desk last year. When describing him Jack said, "He's a walking pet peeve...That is him in a nutshell. Actually, I'd like to put him in a nutshell and drop kick him."