Thursday, August 29, 2013

Jack on Odd Professions

Age 9:

One day we were driving in the car and Jay brought up a person we know who is a reading specialist.
Jack: What's that?
Jay: Didn't you have someone at your school who pulled kids out of class to work on reading?
Jack: Yes.
Jay: Well, that is a reading specialist.
Jack: Ooohh, I thought you said a BREEDING specialist. And I was going to say, that's an odd profession.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Jack on Annoying His Sister

Age 9:

We were driving around trying to figure out where to eat dinner. We finally all agreed on California Pizza Kitchen but a few minutes later, Jack tried to suggest a different place.

Megan: Jack! Quit trying to rock the boat!
Jack: I'm not trying to rock your boat, Megan. I'm trying to sink it.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Jack on Underwear

Age 7:

As we begin another school year, we are now going on two years without Jack wearing underwear (with the exception of compression shorts for sports).  He's pretty much going commando 100% of the time. I basically stopped buying underwear a year ago. Most of the time, I don't really care but in some instances, it does cause an issue- specifically when we are in a store trying on pants. Ugh.  But today I thought about something Jack said when he was seven.

One day, towards the end of summer, I asked him in semi-frustration when he was going to wear underwear again.  He thought about it for a minute and said, "I will once school starts in case I get wedgied."

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Jack on Breath

Age 9:

"Mom. Come here and smell my breath. It smells like apples and meat."

(Note: I was dumb enough to do it and for the record, it did NOT smell like apples and meat.)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Jack on Awkward Moments

Age 9:

I was standing in the kitchen with Jack and as we were talking our dog, George, walked in between Jack's legs and started wagging his tail, hitting Jack's privates.

I tried to ignore it but Jack looked at me and said, "I know this might be awkward but this feels reeeeaaaalllyy good." I wasn't really sure what to say about that so I just rolled my eyes at him and said, "Hey now. It's not a jungle gym down there you know." To which Jack replied, "I know. I thought it was more like a fountain."


Friday, August 16, 2013

Jack on Cologne

Age 9:

One day when we were driving in the car, Jack randomly started talking about what he would name a cologne if he ever had a job where he needed to do that.  After a significant pause for effect, he revealed the name and slogan...

"Damp.  When wet just isn't enough."

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Jack on Astronauts

Age 8:

One day, Megan and Jack were standing in our kitchen and they started discussing life on other planets. 

Jack: Megan, do you believe in aliens? 
Megan: Not the I-come-in-peace kind of aliens but think it could be possible that there is life on other planets. 

Then the discussion turned to how you would actually get to the other planets.

Jack: There would have to be a lot more women astronauts because it would take like 80 lifetimes to get there. 
Me: So are you saying you just need women to keep the population up?? 
Jack: Pretty much.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Jack on Television

Age 9:

Summer is pretty lazy around here.  And it seems like the more free time Jack has, he gets progressively more lazy.

Jack: I kind of like to watch guilty pleasure shows right now.
Jay: Your life is a guilty pleasure.
Jack: I know.  I don't know why but sometimes I just like to watch Dora, or Sid the Science Kid .
Me: <eye roll>

Monday, August 12, 2013

Jack on Electric Cars

Age 9:

As we drove around town this weekend, Jack mentioned that he would like to have an electric car.  When I initially asked why he wanted an electric car, he said he didn't want to waste all his money on gasoline.  Jay then told Jack about the Tesla and about how the car is completely silent as it drives.  Jack looked out the window and thought for a moment and then said, "So if you were going to stalk someone, you'd want that car?"

Not sure why he thought of that but I doubt that is listed as one of the benefits on their marketing materials.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Jack on Marriage

Age 9:

A co-worker of mine sent me a link to this article and mentioned that it made her think of Jack.  So then I decided to ask him a few questions and here are his answers:

Me: What do you do on a date? 
Jack: Eat foreign cuisine.

Me: When is it okay to kiss someone?
Jack: When you have correct mood lighting. And good scenery. Then you give them a look, lean in, and you know...hopefully they don't have pepper spray.

Me: How would you make a marriage work? 
Jack: Go on dates again. It improves your interest in each other.

Me: What's the best thing about being married?
Jack: You always have someone there to do things with and to make you feel good when you feel empty inside. 

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Jack on Employee Hiring Advice

Age 9:

Jay is in the process of interviewing new teachers.  Jack overheard us talking about it the other day, came into the room, and provided this nugget of advice.  "I'm gonna give you some advice about teachers. Us kids like your Average Joe... or someone peppy and with pizzazz. But in this economy, you probably won't find it."

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Jack on What Happens to Kids Whose Parents Don't Harp on Them Constantly About Stuff

Age 9:

Jay and I were harping on Jack last night about him taking more responsibility for reading and writing, and consistently bathing. He got upset and let us know that we were making him feel like he wasn't good enough.

Jay explained that we set high expectations because we love him and want him to grow up to be a responsible adult and it may mot seem like it but we do that because we love him. Jay also mentioned there are kids out there whose parents don't take the time to do that to which Jack replied, "Yeah, those are the kids that grow up to work at Portillos as adults..."