Sunday, April 27, 2014

Jack on Friendship

Age 10:

Jack has a recurring catch phrase- "No offense..." And whenever he says it, it usually is followed by something that actually is, well, offensive. The other morning after I took our dog, George for a run, I told Jack that I thought I was George's favorite. 
Me: I think George loves me the best. I am the only one in this family who takes him out for exercise. 
Jack: Mom, no offense but well, you know how when you have a rich friend that you don't like that much but you still keep hanging out with them anyway just because they have money?
Me: Uh, yeah I guess...
Then Jack just shrugged his shoulders and looked at me as if to indicate that apparently I'm George's rich friend. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Jack on Fashion

Age 10:

One day Jack asked me if it was comfortable to wear a dress. After I shared the pros and cons, he thought about it for a moment. 
Jack: Everything I wear is comfortable. 
Me: Well all you wear is t-shirts and lacrosse shorts. Of course you are comfortable 24/7. 
Jack: Why would anyone wear something that wasn't confortable??? 
Me: Ummm...I don't know...FASHION??
Jack: I don't need fashion. I've got swagger. Screw fashion. 

Jack on Big Papi

Age 10:

Jack and I were discussing how athletic you actually need to be to play baseball. 
Me: I think baseball is more a game of skill than actually requiring you to be athletic. 
Jack: Why do you say that?
Me: Well you don't have to be super fast to run the bases...hmmm...I guess maybe it would be helpful to be fast. 
Jack: Yeah. You know Big Papi?
Me: Yes. 
Jack: Well he was like, what...250 pounds and he could get around those bases. 
(Pause)
Jack: I'm not saying he's like lightening or anything but he could get that big butt of his around the bases. 
Me:...

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Jack on Hot Girls

Age 10:

Yesterday we spent the afternoon in Seaside, FL. On our way home, Jack shared some of his observations. 

Jack: Mom, did you notice that most of the groups of kids had like three guys surrounded by 20 girls?
Me: I didn't really notice that. 
Jack: That could be awkward. 
Me: Why?
Jack: Because the guys might get too much attention. 
Me: I would think that would be most guys dream scenario! 
Jack: Yeah, maybe. But it could also be hard if you and your friend go after the same girl. 
(Long pause)
Jack: I think the best way to get the hottest girls is to date lots of girls. Start with a girl whose a 5, then date a 7, move to an 8 then you can date a girl who is a 10. And then everyone will know you can get a 10 so you can keep dating 10's. 
Me: Maybe. But have you ever heard the phrase, "Birds of a feather flock together"?
Jack: No. 
Me: Well it means that in general, people date people who are similar to themselves. 
(Another pause)
Jack: So in other words, you need to be a 10 to date a 10? 
Me: Uh, I guess that's another way to put it. 
(Long pause)
Me: What about your two crushes. How would you rate them. Do you think they are 10's?
Jack: Mom. This is embarrassing. 
Me: Why?
Jack: I'm  not sure I want to discuss it. 
Me: Just tell me. 
Jack: Well,  I can't really say what number they are. 
Me: Why not?
Jack: Well, they uh, don't have the...uh, "parts" yet that would make them a 10. You know what I mean?
Me: Yes. Yes, I do.