Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Jack on How to Use Hashtags

Age 11:

Jack: Mom. I meant to tell you this yesterday. I was on the toilet playing with my phone and I dropped it. 
Me: Did you drop it in the toilet???
Jack: Well, when I dropped it, my legs were together so I caught it between my thighs. 
Me: You got lucky there!
Jack: Yeah... Hashtag Blessed. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Jack on Beauty Pageants

Age 11:

"You know what I think is funny?  How pageants pretend to judge all aspects of a person: their looks, their smarts, and their personality when it's obvious they only are judging the looks."

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Jack on Short Shorts

Age 11:

"I hate when people* wear super short shorts. It's like, do society a favor, would ya?"  

*although Jack said people, he was actually referring to men in particular. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Jack on Poop

Age 11:

Jack came home from school and informed me of the following...

"I'm going to go to head into the bathroom. I have to go pee.. and I also have to go number two...I like to call that a number three."


He was in there for a while.  I called out, "Everything okay in there?"  Jack called back, "It's a struggle in here!  I am now doing what I refer to as a 'spread formation'".

And finally...

When he came out, he wiped his brow and stated, "That turd put up a fight.  I can't blame it for not wanting to leave my body though."

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Jack on Hawaii

Age 11:

Over the holiday break, we vacationed in Hawaii. We had a great time and Jack fell in love with guava juice. He had it every chance he could.  He was sad to leave it so we promised when we got back home, we would try to find some guava juice to keep him satisfied. 

Today, Jay and Jack were running errands and Jay asked Jack if he wanted to stop at Whole Foods to look for guava juice.

Jack replied, "My mentality towards guava juice pretty much goes like this... what happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii…"